Heart’s beating fast as I tossed and turned in pain as I tried to sleep.

pain so deep,

it cut through every layers of my skin.

I fade into my unconscious self then back to consciousness,

it felt like I was drowning,

like water was in my lungs and every breath I took required an ample amount of energy.

It was torturous,

I mean heartbreak so unbearable? In comparable?

The pain was completely unfathomable.

but I feel like my mind was playing tricks on me,

letting you go is choice but for some reason my conscious mind held onto to you,

the only time I got a break from the pain was when I was unconscious because I wouldn’t think of you,

My unconscious self refused to let me think of you ,

and that’s real,

If only my conscious mind would let you go and see how it feels,

that would be refreshing,

the beginning of healing that doesn’t involve you but just me,

learning how to breathe again,

Feel again,

I’d finally be at peace again.

-healing en route