A poet's mind by Nique

To the love of my life.

January 3, 2018

love

Even though I haven’t met you yet,

I already know that I’m going to give you my best.

You deserve to be loved and to feel whole,

and I’ll offer you that because it’s a personal goal.

In your eyes, you have flaws,

and I have already accepted them.

You came in a package labeled ” beautiful and fragile,”

I suppose that was the label for your heart,

I knew, I just knew it, I could feel it from the start.

“Who’s this guy?” I asked myself in awe,

Packaged and untouched yet so raw,

When I do find you, Just know I wrote this for you,

Thank you for reading this my love, I love you.

your soulmate,

nique

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my truth: limited

April 3, 2024

Uncategorized

Some days I wake up , and the trauma, hurt and/ or pain just visits me before I visit myself.

Now everything I have planned for the day seems impossible,

The voices of others become irritating,

The pain is aching

but the healing seems faint.

Was I healing or suppressing my pain all this time?

because the pain feels the same as it did in the beginning.

I pray,

I cry,

I vent,

I attempt to heal

But I never do.

The truth is,

I suppress my pain, hurt and trauma.

And that’s my way of coping.

I’ve done more harm than good.

I’ve convinced myself that I was happy and my goodness, I believed it.

I have forcibly put “work” before my healing.

What does a “ healed “ person feel like?

Does the outside noise become inaudible?

Will peace be me, and I be it?

Let me know.

::still wants to heal

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thoughts.

April 3, 2024

Uncategorized

Heart’s beating fast as I tossed and turned in pain as I tried to sleep.

pain so deep,

it cut through every layers of my skin.

I fade into my unconscious self then back to consciousness,

it felt like I was drowning,

like water was in my lungs and every breath I took required an ample amount of energy.

It was torturous,

I mean heartbreak so unbearable? In comparable?

The pain was completely unfathomable.

but I feel like my mind was playing tricks on me,

letting you go is choice but for some reason my conscious mind held onto to you,

the only time I got a break from the pain was when I was unconscious because I wouldn’t think of you,

My unconscious self refused to let me think of you ,

and that’s real,

If only my conscious mind would let you go and see how it feels,

that would be refreshing,

the beginning of healing that doesn’t involve you but just me,

learning how to breathe again,

Feel again,

I’d finally be at peace again.

-healing en route

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him.

August 8, 2022

love, sabotage

he attempted to touch my soul,

but I pushed back,

I pushed back because the idea of sabotaging you,

sabotaging us,

was easier than allowing you to love the different layers of me,

the layers I fought so hard to love,

the layers I feared you might not love.

so you stepped back,

so did I,

It felt safe,

but only for a while,

the edges of my soul were on fire,

but my core was untouched.

I glared into the version of me that you couldn’t see,

and asked her,

why will he not love thee?

as if I didn’t sabotage us.

the expectation was that you would fight for this ‘love ‘ you somewhat seem to feel.

an expectation that superseded the fact that my fear was bigger than our love language.

-nique

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feelings untold. volume 1 🌹

July 22, 2018

Life lessons, love, self-love

She was right,

I was looking for love in the wrong places,

Messed around and got familiar with the wrong faces,

Got hurt, lost my worth, and went through multiple phases,

In the end I felt like I was running so fast, but I still ended up losing all my races,

Pressured, and bent , but I never gave up.

Had to re-evaluate myself and started cutting ties,

just to let everyone know that I read between the lines and found their lies.

I wanted my life back,

I wanted control again,

Love didn’t live here anymore, and everything I did would take a toll.

Take a toll on my life,

took away my strength,

It hurt so much,

It left me bent.

I didn’t need a man to validate me,

I just wanted love to grow in the chambers of my heart again,

I wanted the blood flowing through my valves to be warm again and not cold,

because every time I tried to love myself….I…..I froze.

I froze and my blood stopped flowing,

and my soul would leave my body, and I remember every time yelling, “where are you going.”

But love didn’t live here anymore, so….so how could I ask my soul to stay?

I just want love to live here again I prayed,

mend my soul,

and wish me well.

This is the poem of a new begining,

I’ve let it all out, so let it now sink in.

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mental disorder.

August 29, 2017

letting go, Life lessons, self-love

Oppressed by depression,I try to fight the pain,

But sometimes I feel like I’m fighting in vain.

Everything seems to hit me all once,

I cry, I scream or even get angry at everyone.

What kind of disorder takes over your life?

Anxiety versus depression, oh it’s such a fight.

Mental disorders are no joke,

It’s not as simple as a stroke,

It torments you into taking your life,

And if you’re weak enough, you may just lose the fight,

But you and I are gonna fight it today,

Break the shackles,

And throw away the chains.

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anxious mornings.

March 31, 2017

Life lessons, self-love

Insecurities are like anxieties,

they make you uneasy,

constantly looking in the mirror to find a problem that isn’t there,

looking for the wrong person to care,

walking down the street in constant fear.

so you fight the assumptions of inner judgement from other people that doesn’t even exist,

I suggest you desist,

desist from feeling so anxious all the time,

own your courage and you’ll be fine.

you won’t look like a dime piece all the time,

but you age so flawlessly like fine wine.

Shanique, I love you and I want you to face your fears,

laugh a bit more and wipe your tears.

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why can’t I love her?

January 15, 2017

self-love

I love what my camera shows me, not what the mirror does,

when I take a selfie, I see this beautiful girl with little to no flaws,

But I look in the mirror & I see pimples, dark circles and discoloration,

I guess you can say that’s my form of decoration.

Am I a coloring book? because I sure seem colorful.

why can’t the colors represent my soul and not my imperfections?

that’s why I can’t love her because I only see her imperfections.

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nostalgic.

January 15, 2017

Life lessons

The distance from home reminds me of the hole in my heart that I’ve been trying to fill almost all my adult life,

whenever I think about Jamaica a feeling of nostalgia flows over my body, and I start to pant screaming, “I can’t,”

Jamaica is my home,

My home is Jamaica.

The tropical island is apart of me,

sometimes I ask myself, “why did I leave?”

I left to experience life in a first world country that had more problems than we did,

but California is now where I live.

The countless opportunities, the education and cultures were enough to stay,

please don’t let me forget my nationality, I pray.

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Nothing

November 24, 2016

letting go, Life lessons, self-love

And it hurts me to know that I fought with my anxiety, and ego to send you a message just to see if you’re okay, And it hurts me even more to know that you couldn’t take at least 30 minutes out of your time to simply have a conversation with me. I was nothing to you if you have forgotten about me so quickly, I was nothing to you; even though you pretended to care about me, I am still nothing to you because you treat me as if I don’t exist, And I’ll always be nothing to you because, after all, your obligation to me was a choice that you made optional.

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Insecurities

November 4, 2016

self-love

If I could walk around wearing a mask, I would,

Because I’m not feeling as happy and confident as I should.

All the pain and hurt was etched in my skin,

If I was in a beauty contest, I for sure wouldn’t win.

Dark spots from acne scars, battles with self,

And unfought wars,

My eyes were droopy,

you could see them from a far.

When you see that staggered walk with sluggish confidence you know it’s me,

the girl who couldn’t love herself,

she was weak,

that girl is me.

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The New Version Of Her

October 31, 2016

Life lessons

As I was closing the door at work, I remembered one day when I left it open that it represented me, It represented my insecurities and I, I kept leaving the door open for people to impede on my insecurities, but as I closed the door tonight, I realized that I had closed the door on that chapter in my life, and I was now a confident woman.

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